Return Me My Bulma: Part 1
by Lady Kav and Sandy Winner
Summary: Part: 1 Puar A La Carte. This is the story of Bulma and Vegeta's first date. If you were expecting a mushy romance, this fic is not for you. Instead we've got funky dances, karaoke rapping, rainbow fruity cake, drunk men, lots of blue-haired women, weird


Return Me My Bulma  
by Lady Kav and Sandi-chan  
(765 AD, one year after Mirai Trunks appears)  
  
Part I: Puar a la Carte  
  
Vegeta was panting. Sweat trickled down his forehead. It had been a rough day of training. He had blown up all the gravity bots and he would have to talk to that low-class woman and make her build him some more bots. His stomach growled. He leaned up against the window to rest. Outside, he spied that guy, that his green minions had sent to HFIL, training with his mate, a blue haired cat. A hunger rose in him. That scar-faced weakling could be so annoying.  
  
Yamcha was training hard in preparation to battle the androids. He had already done 10 situps and it wasn't even lunch time. He was really tired but he decided to continue. After all he wanted to kick some android ass and show everyone how strong he was. The androids would probably stick their hands through the stomachs of those weaklings Krillin, Gohan, Goku, Tien, and especially Vegeta. He would probably have to save the day, as usual. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that alien piece of trash, Vegeta, calmy walking towards him. He probably wanted to learn his Wild Wolf Technique. Well, Yamcha wasn't going to reveal any of his secrets. Suddenly he found himself lying on the ground with blood oozing out of his mouth. "What the....Why the hell did you punch me Vegeta?"  
  
The Saiya-jin prince smirked and replied, "Because I felt like it."  
  
With that Yamcha passed out cold. Vegeta turned to look at Yamcha's mate, the blue cat. He started salivating. Fried cat with barbecue sauce had been a specialty on Planet Vegeta. Out of nowhere a knife and fork appeared in his hands. He licked his lips as he stared at Puar. Realizing that Vegeta wanted to eat him, Puar started running, screaming for help. Vegeta chased after Puar, like Master Roshi after a bouncy girl, all around Capsule Corp.   
  
Yamcha awoke with a headache and seeing what was going on started crying for help. "Buuuulllllmmmaaaa, get that half-assed monkey to stop trying to cook Puar."  
  
Bulma ran out of the Capsule Corp lab exasperated that the commotion had interrupted her cold fusion experiments. "Yamcha what the hell do you want? Can't you see I'm busy!"  
  
"Vegeta's trying to eat Puar! Why does that ego-maniac dwarf have to stay with us? You feed him, you dress him, and you build him gravity bots. You look after him more than me and I'm supposed to be your boyfriend. And all he does is treat you like shit and to top it all off he's trying to eat my cat. Don't you remember that he killed me?"  
  
Meanwhile Puar ran into the house and a wave of ki blasts followed.  
  
"Yamcha, shut up! I can't believe you're so jealous. Anyway, he's a guest. Besides what can I do? You're the strong man here, so why don't you just beat him up."  
  
Yamcha growled and grabbed Puar's tail and started walking out of the Capsule Corp. Compound. He yelled, "Bulma we're through! I can't take this anymore. They're a lot of hot babes out there who treat their boyfriends right. I could tolerate your temper and rudeness, but Vegeta's the last straw! I'm outta' here!"  
  
Bulma sighed. She couldn't believe that Yamcha was such a jealous jerk, but he had been her first love. She just stared at Yamcha's fading shadow. Vegeta, upset that dinner had walked out on him, approached Bulma and said, "Onna, make me dinner now!" Bulma said nothing, oblivious to his commands. "What the hell is wrong with you? Didn't you hear what I said?"   
  
"Yamcha..."  
  
Vegeta was confused and replied, "What did that scar-faced weakling mean to you? All he did here was loiter around, eat your food, and live here. He was a pest."  
  
"But he was my boyfriend."  
  
"What the hell is a boyfriend? Since I live here, train here, eat your food, wear the clothes that you buy me, does that make me your boyfriend?"  
  
Bulma just gave him a disgusted look and returned to her cold fusion experiments.  
  
What will Bulma do now that she has no boyfriend? What will Vegeta do now that he has no dinner? What will Yamcha do now he has no place to live? Stay tuned for this and more in the next part of Return Me My Bulma.  
  
In the next installment of Return Me My Bulma, Yamcha's decided to go to the place where all homeless fighters stay: Kame House. There's also a party at the Sons and Krillin's in da house. Bulma's got a hot date and Vegeta's solved his problems of dinner in Part II: Everybody get down and do the monkey.  
  
Hey everybody it's Goku here, also known as Sean Schemmel. We here at FUNimation are glad to be funding this fic as well other websites like Planet Namek and DaizenshuuEX. We at FUNimation have a long standing tradition of bringing you quality anime. We've "improved" the original Japanese scripts and music, making it suitable and funny for American audiences. Man, wasn't Season Four the greatest. Wasn't the music spectacular? Remember that great Android Circus Music, Cell's theme, Piccolo's theme, and Vegeta's theme. I can't get the music out of my head, I bet neither can you. And the scripts, they were Mondo Cool! They were so many memorable lines that we're adding them to season five scripts. Here's a preview of what a season five episode may look like FUNimationized.  
  
Gohan: Guess who joined the Super-Saiyan Club?  
Krillin: Vegeta has the personality of a stump. Looks like Vegeta's got a bad case of the hemorrhoids or sometin'.  
Gohan: Krillin, you dog!  
  
Vegeta: Piccolo, will you deliver the coup de gras, or shall I?  
Krillin: Wow, that android's toast.  
Piccolo: No more like burnt toast.   
  
Cell: How did you get so strong?  
Vegeta: I do a lot of situps and pushups and drink plenty of juice.  
Cell: I'm counting on you for amusement while I test my body.  
Krillin: Mama mia!  
Narrator: On the next episode of Dragon Ball Zeeee Cell and Trunks get it on.   
  
Goku: But I've got Split ends.  
Gohan: Gosh, dad.  
Bulma: Why don't you try using some shampoo.  
  
Bulma: Vegeta, Get your geeky little face away from my son. Besides, I heard Frieza's kinda cute.   
Vegeta: You would.   
  
Yamcha: Whoa Krillin. You are so in there, that chick digs you, man. I can tell. When it comes to love, I'm the master.  
Gohan: Can it.  
  
Krillin: Hey bro!  
Trunks: I read your palm. So you want to see my sword. I see your point. Don't you know it's not the weapon that makes the man.   
  
Jimmy Firecracker: He's as calm as a cucumber.  
Tien: Does he have a spy decoder ring.   
Yamcha: Is his shoe size a secret too?  
Krillin: There are some minor differences, but the stage does seem set for us to die.   
  
Trunks: Oh...Uh...Nothing....It's just that I....uh...like your shirt....   
Krillin: Mama mia!  
  
Sean Schemmel (the one and ONLY voice actor of Goku): And Guess What? Back by popular demand is our amazing cast of voice actors. Just see who we've got to voice season five!  
  
Vegeta: Chris Sabat  
Piccolo: Chris Sabat  
Narrator: Chris Sabat  
Bulma: Chris Sabat   
Sushi Zedaki: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Yamcha)  
Curious George: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Goku)  
Curious George Jr.: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Goten)  
Icharus: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Gohan)  
Einstein: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Icharus)  
Xena Warrior Princess: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Chi-Chi)  
Hercule: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Mr. Satan)  
Hercula: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Videl)  
Tiny Tighty-Whities Briefs: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Tiny Trunks)  
East Cow: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for East Kaio)  
West Cow: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for West Kaio)  
North Cow: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for King Kai)  
South Cow: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for South Kaio)  
Puff Daddy: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Buu)  
Baldy the Monk: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Krillin)  
Bionic Babe: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Android #18)  
That green thing from Uranus: Chris Sabat (FUNimation original name for Dende)  
Special appearance by Chris Sabat, voiced by Chris Sabat. (FUNimation original name for Yajirobe)  
  
Sean Schemmel: "With such a great cast, including yours truly, who could resist watching DBZ dubbed?"  
  
Since FUNimation has been making so much money selling uncut versions of Dragon Ball Z season four on VHS and DVD to a bunch of losers, FUNimation has decided to launch it's own line of DBZ products to make even more money. Here's a preview.   
  
Many DBZ fans get DBZ Withdrawal Syndrome when they have to run to the bathroom during commercial breaks. Now you can see your favorite characters whenever you look in the toilet bowl with our new Custom Deluxe DBZ Character Toilets. They come in all characters: Tien, Yamcha, Goku, Gohan, Vegeta, Trunks, and Piccolo. Just imagine taking Kameyameya dumps on Goku. We've even added sound bytes of your favorite characters powering up to stimulate your bowel movements. It was $2000.00, but during this special offer you can own your very own Custom Deluxe DBZ Character Toilet for just $1999.99. (We do not provide Installation. Use toilet at your own risk)  
  
For all those bald DBZ fans out there we feel your pain. That's why we are selling Krillin's Bald Head Shine Wax for just two easy installments of $99.99. Get your head as shiny as Krillin's head. We'll even throw in a black marker for $9.99 so you can draw six dots on your head and look just like Krillin!   
  
Yum! Yum! Are you guys as hungry as Goku? Well we've got Hercule Puffs. It's the only cereal that Goku endorses (Sean Schemmel, that's me). Remember:  
If you wanna be tough  
Eat Hercule Puffs  
They're delicious and nutritious  
And Supercalifragelisticexpeealidocious.  
  
Only $20.00 per box or buy two for $40.00. (Warning: Eat at your own risk. FUNimation is not responsible for nausea, fainting, diarrhea and death caused by this product.)  
  
For all those DBZ dedicated Subbed fans we've decided to put the rest of season four on DVD. From now on there will only be one episode per DVD. Instead of having the Japanese voices with English subtitles we've chosen to put the English dubbed version with English subtitles. We think that our FUNimation script was DA bomb. Much better than the Japanese version. Anyway I can't stand listening to those annoying Japanese voice actors. So when you hear the narrator say "Next time on Dragon Ball Zeeeee" you read "Next time on Dragon Ball Zeeeee." When you hear Trunks say "Adios" you read "Adios". When you hear Vegeta say "Coup De Gras" you read "Coup De Gras." When you hear Krillin say "Mama mia" you read "Mama mia." And amazingly the price is still only $24.99 per disk.   
  
Forget about Nintendo 64, Sega Dreamcast, Sony Playstation, Playstation 2, and Gameboy. Introducing the most high tech video game console ever made: FUNimation Station 2 (It was too high tech to be 1). We've got the coolest, most radical games out there. For example there's Money Muncher. You can be a variety of characters including Gen Fukunaga, Cindy Fukunaga, Chris Sabat, Sean Schemmel, Mr. E, and VegettoEX. The object of the game is to shoot and eat DBZ Dubbies and steal their money. There is also a new DBZ game called: Sean Schemmel (Goku) Saves Everyone Again. In this game battle Android 17, Frieza, Cell, and Buu but remember if you spill any blood you lose. You also have to prevent Vegeta from swearing. The secret password for immortality is Mondo Cool. It's only the low low price of $499.99. (Games, controllers, memory cards, cables, and adapters sold separately).  
  
Last but not least is Gen Fukunaga's autobiography entitled "Gen's Guide to How to Bastardize a Japanese Cartoon and Make Lots of Money." The Wall Street Journal raves, "This is the best autobiography ever written. FUNimation has a new number 1 best seller." Mr. E of Planet Namek states, "This is the only book I've ever read. It's a hair short of perfection. It's a great buy at the price of $99.99. Autographed it's only $149.99.   
  
That's all from me, your announcer Sean Schemmel, for now. Look out for season 5 dubbed on VHS in January. Buy our great new products. And remember to "Rock the dragon, Dragon Ball Zeeeee."  
  
  
  



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